Our intimate partnerships are a great way to recognize some patterns that we carry. We can see where we may be stuck if we can speak the truth of our story, and our partner is willing to step into vulnerable conversation with us. The fact about this is however, that with an adult to adult relationship, it often feels that we can strategically bypass some of the truth of ourselves. Especially if the communication doesn’t run deep enough to have to have those conversations. We have more chances to run away from the truth through avoidance, withdrawal, busyness, and attention elsewhere, even if it is simply socializing with friends or sitting in front of the TV together.
When children are born into the world, they are deeply connected to the energetic field. They sense the lightness or weight or our energy, rather than put meaning to our actions. Being with our children can truly show us how deeply we are meeting ourselves. If we are disconnected with our own hearts, and unable to forgive ourselves or meet ourselves with compassion, it will become apparent quite quickly in light of how we deal with an innocent child who is curious and learning about the world that they have been brought into. Our lives are under a magnifying glass as parents — what energy we put out to the world in our parent child relationship is what we are met with. To get really honest about how we want to role model for the child, we must first get honest about clearing our pain path of pain and projection. More often than not, we are operating on a previous framework that we once learned to abide by.
Nearly 80–90% of our beliefs and behaviours are rooted in sub conscious patterning, meaning that they are naturally a part of our conditioning and go without question.
This is very difficult to believe sometimes, when we are convinced that we are choosing every part of our day. The narrative that is running in the background, and allowing us to choose the way we do, is based on stories of the past, and the meaning about ourselves that we attached to as a result of them. So how do we move from these patterns that are hardly detectable within our own psyche?
Here is an example of how a shift may occur within a framework. This one is around control and discipline. Our previous framework offered a hierarchal approach, with parent on top and child beneath. The parent has all of the answers, and knows it all. Do not question the parent. This is how many people still parent today, and it goes unquestioned. Especially in collectivist cultures where the ways of elders are the right way of being.
We often see that a child who is ‘well behaved’ due to pressures to comply, or for the sake of approval, on the basis of the current framework is not fueling their own light. Fear is often driving the behaviour, in which energy the child can not step into the love, joy and connection they truly seek. Such behaviour limits a child from stepping into the truth of who they are, as in the past, it’s been unacceptable to do so.
That said, we more often than not do witness that a child feels the need to rebel, as they come into knowing that they can perhaps make a decision for themselves or that there is an unmet need that continues to go unaddressed or not acknowledged by the ‘care’ family. This may start at the age of 2, otherwise known as the terrible twos. Up until now, they have followed without discernment. So the game has been (relatively) easy. We know best, as we have been told, so we know how to draw a hard and fast line when the child needs boundaries.
We often attach to the next act of discipline in hopes of control, belonging or acceptance — all outside of us, which keeps us on the wheel of performing and chasing the outside illusions of how it ought to be. We model just that for our children and perpetuate cycles of lack and unworthiness. Just to create more of it. This clearly speaks to why anxiety levels are as high as we find them today. There is an undercurrent of unworthiness in most all actions, if they don’t stem from the truth of self.
If we do want to put an end to what may be a cycle of the child rebelling, and then us acting out of rage and then dealing with the guilt and shame of how we allowed ourselves to behave, we have no choice but to eventually listen, and shift, when we start to feel the rumble within ourselves if we continue to be triggered by another’s behaviour. This is of course, if we are unable to keep a lid on their behaviour and keep them from self expression. Else the resistance will keep showing up in our lives. The movement towards truth takes acute attention to and awareness. This is where knowing self can help us detect what the patterning of societal, cultural and familial conditioning has helped us create — a self imprisoned life where ease and flow is nearly impossible.
What are you prepared to move past? Are you ready to create a new way of being, that supports your best version of self, and that of the children in generations ahead? It is our responsibility to shift a paradigm that is no longer serving.
We look forward to meeting you in one of the Raising Humanity villages to explore more together!