People pleasing. Seeking approval from the outside; especially from their own parents.
Shoulds. Musts. Have to’s.
This is the world most children are born into and forced to embrace.
Society almost anywhere today favours the masculine energy, which resides within all of us. We work harder, longer hours, and compete. It also trains us to believe that it is our external identity that makes us worthy, rather than our intrinsic value. In the Western world, we prioritize intellect over the other aspect of ourselves which need equally, if not even more nourishment from, than the mind. We have learned to dismiss the importance of the physical, emotional and spiritual dimensions of ourselves. We have been taught that we need another’s validation to be seen as worthy, so we keep our focus on impressing those who have their own soul’s purpose to follow and may carry a completely different set of values or life purpose even within the same family system.
The patterns we have adopted to be seen, heard, loved and approved by another were primarily developed in childhood before the age of 7. This is when we are dependent as children on our caregivers, and we would readily compromise ourselves to fit in and belong. If there was a perceived threat to connection with a caregiver, we learned to adjust our behaviours to meet those we were dependent on. We took their inability to see us and meet us where we were personally. It is during this time that many children are acknowledged more by parents they perform well in school, academics, athletics, play the ‘good’ or ‘nice’ kid, and behave in a way that is compliant as per the ‘norm.’ Conversely, those who do not perform or behave as per the many unspoken rules, are less talked about and regarded, by their own parents, let alone society.
I come from a highly people-pleasing cultural background. The collectivist nature of Indian culture is beautiful but has its drawbacks. No one within the system is truly free to be their unique selves, and there is surely no questioning how parents may be raising their children. There is a great deal of dependency and attachment within our systems, both familial and cultural. The level of enmeshment can keep individuals from growing beyond what is familiar, and following their soul’s calling.
Much of the modern day psychology supports exactly this — focus on the relationship outside of you in place of growing and raising yourself so that you can contribute to the relationship in a more meaningful way. It is no wonder why people can sit in front of a therapist for years on end and not see the REAL change in their lives they aspire to. And as a society, we continue to say ‘WHY NOT?’ It feels much easier to focus on something outside of us, as it gives us someone or something to blame, shame or guilt into filling our needs if they aren’t met. Yet, the impermanent nature of this type of inauthentic relationship and love takes tremendous effort to sustain. As the love for self is only as good as the last action that validated it.
Where does this all leave children? It makes them feel inadequate for life, and always seeking on the outside. They feel only as good as their last achievement, or promotion, or close relationship. It keeps them on the hamster wheel, as nothing they do ever quite feels like enough. It has them learn that there is ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ ‘better’ or ‘worse.’ That hierarchy and separation are supported, and oneness is not of importance. That some are more worthy than others. And then we question why the lack of equality plays out in their latter years, and why oppression and privilege are still found in most any environment, despite our ‘evolution.’
ARE WE SEEING THE PATTERNS YET?
At Raising Humanity, our mission is to help parents come into true and authentic love — one that is void of fear so that we can honour the person in front of us exactly as they are. This allows us to welcome future generations into doing exactly that. But this first takes seeing the truth of who we are beyond all of the strategies and identities we have created on the outside of us. It takes honesty, tremendous courage and often guidance from those who have walked the path to unveil the patterns we have been carrying all of our lives to meet the needs of others, due to the lack of enoughness within.
If we take a look at the place from which we were all birthed, it does not represent the framework we live in today. Evolution in many ways has led to a regression in the human experience. Today’s governance is based on fear in most any system, whether it be education, traditional employment frameworks, relationship, law and much more.
In ancient times, governance was driven by self and was based on love. Due to the attunement one had with one’s own heart, emotional self-regulation was a possibility. Members would understand when they were acting out of a sense of disconnection. Rituals to work through emotional burden and reconnection to the heart were a part of daily practice. Women had more of a voice within the small villages; in fact, they were honoured for the intuitive wisdom they carried. There was tremendous respect for the land they stood on, and the natural world around them. Connection was authentic and not forced or driven by what one can give to get.
Blessed we are at this magical time of human history to be a part of the return to the ancient wisdom that humanity was birthed from. Modern day science is coming forward in support of what was understood by 7000-year-old ancient practice.
We actually have the possibility of birthing a whole new version of ourselves within our lifetime due to the freedoms, access to tools, science, and wisdom that is before us — such evolutionary leaps have only typically taken place between generations to date. We have tremendous hope as a human race.
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Regard for what goes on within our hearts and is carried within our energetic field is finally being welcomed into Western society. We see meditation, yoga, breathwork and so much more that attunes one to the energy we know we are compromised of today in the Western hemisphere than ever before. We have the beauty of having our inner practices being supported by science, which feeds the logical mind and its need for reasoning. We are comfortable in more openly sharing that that which goes unseen is actually driving our lives, and that we are all interconnected through our energy.
THIS is the place that we can raise children from, responsibly. Being attuned to the truth of our hearts and clearing the path for our own joy, freedom and self-love gives permission to those in our lineage to do the same.
Taking responsibility to come to knowing ours hearts deeply makes us all 100% responsible for our own behaviour, and eliminates the dependency on another for a sense of love and self-worth. This is where true connection begins.
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How would it feel to all be empowered and free to be our most authentic selves and speak of our true human nature within a family, cultural or societal system? What could we possibly have access to, if we simply allowed for more beyond the fear-based constructs?
What would this mean for stepping out of our smallness, and into our greatness? How would it translate into our comfort in sharing our authentic voice and our true gifts?
This is the world we are all meant to live, love and connect in. Are you ready to believe that a new way is available to you at this very moment?
At Raising Humanity, we think that the world is more ready than ever.
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Visit us at www.raisinghumanity.com, to learn about ‘emotional hunger’ — the inauthentic love and connection that drives us — and how we can clear this for a way new of life moving forward.
We are excited to welcome you to our village!