I was being interviewed for a podcast awhile back. In the bio, the interviewer had put me down as a ‘supermom.’ This was shared with me just before we began recording, and once I noticed it I stopped him abruptly.
“I don’t identify with that label anymore,” I confidently shared. “In fact, there is nothing that I really identify with.”
I sense he was a bit surprised. Perhaps it’s because most women would feel honoured to be recognized as that. Someone who is able to ‘hold it all.’ Manage all the things. Take on the duties of others. All while still managing to keep a smile on her face.
Well, playing ‘supermom’ is not what it is chalked up to be. Often, we do it at the cost of ourselves because we feel it’s asked of us. That others’ love and approval of us are dependant on us showing up this way. It may look perky and fulfilling on the outside, but on the inside, many women who keep up this persona are crumbling. The patterns of self-sacrifice and unworthiness have run deep in most women, and this shows up in eerie ways, even in our world today.
When I was a ‘supermom,’ I had been over-giving. Overdoing. Over everything, for many, many years.
Yes, I ran several successful businesses, in addition to managing the children – nanny schedules, breastfeeding and pumping, frequent nightly wake-ups. Moreover, I would keep a clean home, cook nourishing meals, take part in a busy social calendar, keep my body in top shape, help plan family vacations… well, you get it. There were no boundaries on my time. I had an utterly difficult time saying no. The judgement of not being enough for others plagued me.
In fact, the identity I took on in my relationships was dependant on me giving as much as I did. This is how my worth, or my place in those relationships, was established. Including in the one I had created with my children. The acknowledgement of ‘doing it all’ fuelled me for years. Until it didn’t.
I had fully lost my sense of self. I didn’t know who I was. What I valued. What I wanted for myself, even if I had a few hours away from the children or work.
I did not feel at home in my body. My anxiety would take over moments in which I hoped to be fully present.
I felt limited in my creative energy. My trust for life as it was unfolding was deeply scathed. The connection I had to my intuition as a child was but a faint memory.
I felt alone. Disconnected from sisterhood and my own womanhood.
All of the things that, in fact, make me a woman.
I came to recognize that achieving and accomplishing ‘more’ was not fulfilling me. I had been living in a very old and inauthentic paradigm of power and success – that of the masculine.
Through the struggle and dismantling of my life, as it was, I could feel the crumbling of this system within the boundaries of my own body. My own psyche.
The truth is that I was actually powerless. I saw then that I did not have the very things I wanted – freedom, joy, ease and flow in my life. I could not be with my children in their waves, as it was not safe for me to be with my own.
I had not taken space to nurture an authentic connection with my true self, and thus, was stuck in a linear framework, tied to the constructs of time. Never feeling spacious or to have enough.
Today, I yearn for none of the above. Including the title of being a ‘supermom.’
My life has been rebuilt on trust, surrender and a deep connection with my femininity.
I urge you working mamas, if any of you feel run off your feet, exhausted, or feeling misaligned with your own values – please take a break. Let your mind go for a while, and trust that all that is right for you will remain in your life.
Feeling your feelings deeply will help you open up to what’s been keeping you from coming into an essence that may be truer of you. Call in the support. And take action to create a life that resonates with you. Your children are watching how you treat yourself, and your heart.
Have faith in offering yourself time to reconnect with the true you. This is perhaps the most courageous act of self-love you could step into.
Go for it. You are worth it. As are your children knowing they too have the power to choose themselves.